There are a lot of stories in the tabloids this week about how Katie Holmes is once again under her husband Tom Cruise’s thumb or something.

The main one is a cover story in Life & Style that reads “Katie: Tom’s Prisoner Again!” and focuses on the fact that Tom is apartment hunting in NY with Katie ahead of her fall Broadway debut.

She supposedly wanted maintain her own place in NY with visits from her husband and daughter, but Tom insisted on coming and setting up house there, just like when she was on set for Mad Money in Louisiana.

There are also some maybe-true details that show how airless and dark it is in Katie’s gilded cage. They say she is only shuttled between her hotel and rehearsals and that she’s accompanied by a bodyguard at all times who whisks her off in a waiting SUV. She probably has breaks for shopping, though.

Life & Style compares Katie’s well-monitored and controlled life to her statements before she got married. In 2005 she said “New York has so much to offer… I get stir-crazy if I don’t go out… twice a week. I need to feel like I’m part of the world.”

Katie seems like a willing prisoner to me, and if I was working in another city I would want my husband and son to come along too. Damn you, Life & Style, for making me defend that cult spokeswhore couple.

One article that seems to have an element of truth to it is In Touch’s claim that Tom Cruise has a whole fleet of bombproof and bullet proof SUVs. Someone takes his roles as action hero a little too seriously:

The 45-year-old superstar has a fleet of very expensive cars and all of them are equipped with bulletproof windows and are bombproof, too. “It sounds like he’s taken a page out of one of his action movies,” explains an insider. “A-list celebrities know they can’t be too careful. Tom’s vehicles look perfectly normal, but in reality they are more like armored trucks…”

All of Tom’s chauffeurs are professionally trained defensive drivers, says the insider, so they can get him out of traffic problems and protect him from possible trouble. Still, he often prefers to drive his wife, Katie, and his three children himself.

[From In Touch, print edition, June 23, 2008]

In Touch also notes that Cruise has plenty of other vehicles, including “practical everyday cars, classic collectibles and high-powered sports cars like the Porsche 911.” Must be nice. My husband loves Porsches too, but we can’t afford one.

Would you trade your thoughts and free will for a relationship with a man who had nearly unlimited resources? There are plenty of women who would. At least Katie doesn’t have to worry if she’s safe in those giant tricked-out SUVs. She’s got plenty of muscle and steel to keep her safe in her well-accessorized cocoon for years to come.

PEOPLE MUST UNDERSTAND THIS. THIS IS ALL TO HARNESS SURI CRUISE TO BECOME THE GALACTIC QUEEN THAT SHE IS. SHE WILL RULE THE WORLD SO EVERYBODY NEEDS TO OBEY THE RULES.

(Image: Celebitchy)

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Tom: Suri, drink your barley.
Suri: Fuck you. This piss taste like shit. Barley for the past two years. Do i look like a robot to you?
Tom: Suri, we all are.
Katie: I’m a robot…. I”m a robot…. This doll is my god now…. I will pray to this doll…. Tom…. Pray with me….

Tom: So, your mother gave birth to you without any noise…

Suri: Shut the fuck up. YOU ARE NOISY AND ANNOYING!!! I’d rather drink my 87135276235491th gallon of Barley.

Katie: I want to get out…Get out…Get out…

(Image: DListed)

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It is funny since her alie parents have blck hair…We think it is the excessive barley.

Lack of real nutrients make your hair looks wierd.

(Image: Just Jared)

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